My brother took his senior pictures the other day. The photographers mailed the proofs to our house about a week ago. He looked pretty good in them, there were ones in a tuxedo, ones in a graduation gown. My mom came and showed me and I thought he looked really handsome, and my little brother had grown up.

My mom asked me which ones should she pick. To be honest, there were only small differences in each proof: smiling with or without teeth, facing the camera or not. There were two pictures that, on first glance were almost identical. My mom pointed out the miniscule detail where his eyes were more open in one than the other. He was just smiling bigger in one than the other. It wasn’t even that recognizable where someone would say, “Hey why are you squinting?” I didn’t notice. I told her that this was just a small detail and they’re pretty much the same picture anyway. But what I really stressed was the fact that they were both very good photos. They were both really good! She insisted that it mattered. Like, really mattered. It mattered so much that she sat there deciding for a good ten minutes. She finally chose the one with the bigger eyes as the large photo. Honestly, if it were me, I would have flipped a coin. To be fair, senior pics are expensive as hell.

We received the actual photos today. My mom said, “Wow these look even better in this size!” I was watching Law & Order. Apparently a senator was on trial for murdering his wife and the judge was Chevy Chase. I was pretty much occupied. I grunted my approval. After a couple minutes of examining the photos, my mom showed me two of them side by side. It was the ones with the eyes smaller than the other. I only noticed it because she made such a big deal out of it last time.

You don’t know it yet, but his eyes are smaller in this picture.

But thing is, now she was talking about the positioning of his shoulders. The one with his eyes a tiny bit smaller had his shoulders level. The other (the one she put as the big photo) had his shoulders at a small angle so his left was lower than his right.

This is supposed to be the worst picture ever.

Once again, I’d like to stress how small of a difference this is. I explained to her that it’s a small detail and the angle he’s facing the camera. I don’t even think she would have told the difference if the two photos weren’t side by side. Trying to keep my cool, I told her that it really doesn’t matter. My mom says, “Aiya, it’s all your fault for making me choose the one with the bigger eyes.” Uh, did she just blame me for choosing the wrong photo? I played off her comment. I told her I didn’t care because they’re both still good photos. I thought that would be the end of the conversation.

My mom kept trying to convince me of the fact that it was a big detail. Getting a little irked because it really wasn’t my fault, and the fact that I still didn’t know why Chevy Chase was the judge in a Law & Order episode, I said that I didn’t even want to help her choose in the beginning because I knew that when we got the photos she would find some small detail and blame it on me (like right now). But she went on, now blaming herself for choosing it. “Oh why did I choose this!” “He looks so much better in the other one!” “Oh well I can’t change anything now.”

So now I’m thinking fuck this shit. I turn off the TV and go back to my room. My mom comes up after a couple minutes and says, “What kind of attitude is that?” I turned off the TV a bit dramatically. I turned the TV off and dropped the remote on the couch and walked away (with feeling). I asked her why she blamed me. I think Franklin looked really good in the photos, all grown up. She said there was no need to get agitated, and that she didn’t blame me. Now I’m really mad, she goes and blames me but now denies blaming me? I repeated her same exact words she had said. My mom replies, “But I didn’t mean it that way!” Okay anger level is a little high but I’m feeling a little confused now. I think for a second, if you’re blaming someone, can you say it without meaning it? Hmmm… I’m almost never right when I argue with my mom, but this time I am so right. I am fucking right. Now she’s tryin to wriggle and spin her way out of this one. Unbelievable. My dad comes upstairs and tells me to be quiet. I found it funny that he has no idea what we’re talking about but he knows that I’m shouting with my mom. Whatever. I went downstairs to eat.

All the while, my mom is telling me that I didn’t have to get mad or upset. If I had said it all in a nice voice we wouldn’t be shouting right now. Too bad she forgot the part where I tried to explain, and I said two things in a nice way:

1. Both pictures are pretty much the same, but if you look at them seperately they’re both still really good.
2. I don’t give a fuck. In a nice way.

My mom kept insisting that I was already shouting, and that I should have said it nicely. I’ve learned long ago that if the person you’re arguing against doesn’t believe you, there’s no point at all. In all honesty, I really don’t think she believed me. But no, this time I’m right, and I’m not gonna let it slip. I said, “Of course I’m always wrong, I’m never right, right? Still just a kid and not knowing the difference between right and wrong.” Now my dad, who has been listening the whole time, still not knowing what was going on decided I had gone too far. He screams from the bathroom, “Joseph! Be quiet! No more speaking.”

Of course I don’t say anything. See, this whole ordeal made me realize a couple things. My mom doesn’t like to admit she’s wrong. This is understandable since she’s pretty much right all the time. Second, my dad has no fucking clue what is going on. Ever. But he is all about old fashioned filial piety and the children should be subordinate to their parents no matter what. And you know what, I believe it too. That’s why I didn’t say anything. Despite the fact that my dad lacks common sense and is just plain stupid sometimes, he’s still my dad. There are times where I’m just sitting there listening to him talk and I’m just facepalm. Really, it’s fucked up to say that about one’s father but that is really how I feel. Because no matter how mad I am, no matter how right I think I am, no matter how strong I feel about anything at all I still have to respect my parents. Why? Simple, I don’t want my own kids to disrespect me either. I mean, the one thing I’ve learned from my dad is that when I grow up I don’t want to be anything like him. I guess that’s just my motivation for pretty much anything at all, to be better than him in every way possible. I remember in middle school and high school my friends would say their dad helped them with their homework or some project. My dad never did that, not because he was lazy, but because all the things I needed help on were out of his intellect range. That’s just another motivation for me, to be as smart as I possibly can be, for my kids. Like if they bust out with some crazy hard shit like long division I can help them.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll think about this and just laugh. Or I’ll think about it for the rest of my life and laugh. All I can do now is listen to music that makes me happy

After School – Diva
http://www.zshare.net/audio/644192800fb0a0ef/

4Minute – Hot Issue
http://www.zshare.net/audio/64419371403d66d9/

It’s six in the am. Sometimes I let my mind get carried away when I think too hard. I couldn’t take it so I got back on the computer around 4. My mom woke up for work; she knocked on my door to ask if I had slept yet.

I decided I’d like to make a mix to close up summer 2009. I went on the prowl for some club bangers around 5. I know this is just me, but I really don’t like Shakira’s voice. It just doesn’t match the music. I mean, yeah she can sing. But does it sound coherent? Her dancing makes up for it. I also checked out Katy Perry’s new single “Waking Up In Vegas,” it’s pretty catchy. That reminded me to get the rest of Amanda Blank’s new album “I Love You.” I’ll be sure to mention some tracks in the future. I’m not a big fan of the whole female rapper thing, but Diplo has some catchy musics. But the highlight of this early morning scavenge was Sean Kingston’s “Fire Burning.” Favorite song of the week, right here.

Sean Kingston – Fire Burning
http://www20.zippyshare.com/v/32444808/file.html

School starts in two weeks… I can hardly wait, but there is so much to leave behind in Houston. I want it to be summer forever, but the arrow of time progresses on.